The blog touches upon why we are afraid to be vulnerable, stumbling blocks and how to address them.
To be vulnerable is to live, and to withdraw is to die.”
Continuing from my earlier blogs, if we observe plants outside our window, we can see minor, encouraging signs of growth appearing in buds. It does not race to the finish line, does not compete with other buds, does not worry about fate - will fall in the future or external threats (which is obvious), and does not seem to feel helpless/insecure. It grows in the moment, being completely vulnerable, focusing only on the purpose of developing as it can be. It allows it to unfold itself in its own time without any competition. It lives in the moment – here and now.
Vulnerability, from an individual’s perspective, could be on:
the insecurity (or risk) about health, wealth (past, present and future),
social network (thoughts of friends, kith and kin and its impact on self, type of people), and
environment (workplace, home, etc.).
Let’s examine, what are the stumbling blocks for being vulnerable and how to unblock them:
Hitherto Knowledge: We defend everything contrary to our perceptions built from what we have experienced. Vulnerability is
Multi-dimensional (physical, social, economic, environmental, institutional, and human),
Dynamic (as it changes over time) and
Contextual (each context might need its approach).
What needs to be unblocked?
The journey to unlock the real wisdom could be painful, to start with, until and unless we aim towards self-improvement and learning via constructive feedback – not through self-criticism or self-reinforcement of what we already think we know.
Fear of the unknown & pretending: Uncertainty within us develops a feeling of superiority/inferiority/exclusion/isolation. Ceteris paribus (with the other conditions remaining the same), we have chosen not to suffer. The more we pretend to be open (using all rationale to indicate that we are open!), the more we ought to understand that we are regressively looking at our lives. Inadvertently, what we are doing is to stop all the openings and not learn to live without fear, anxiety, or dependence. We try to make our lives secure against any external disturbance. However, if anything adverse happens, this mindset impacts our internal equilibrium.
What needs to be unblocked?
As far as we define success in a materialistic way which makes us comfortable, we shall continue to be comfortable pretending. Can we ever have peace by seeking security behind the walls of our fears and hopes? Therefore, learning to understand the beliefs/thoughts that are dysfunctional would be the first step towards moving forward.
Lack of Courage of conviction: We cannot voluntarily make ourselves open. The action will not make us vulnerable. The very desire to be vulnerable creates resistance. The Courage of conviction is needed to be vulnerable. We live a life of self-denial. Being vulnerable could open many wounds I have “successfully” concealed. Unravelling these wounds will make me feel miserable.
What needs to be unblocked?
What am I to do? Am I ready? is the first question we need to ask. We need to explore the reasons for lack of Courage in a context. What stops us from making a stand? Once we explore these limitations and work towards them, we start having more confidence in our way forward.
Understanding self: Consistent, sustainable joyfulness is the most difficult emotion to experience because we must be vulnerable to share it (Dr Brene Brown, Research Professor, University of Houston Graduate School of Social Work). Whether we accept or pretend, all of us have a sense of insecurity in different variances at different stages of our lives. In our childhood, the insecurity may be because of inferiority; in adulthood, it may be due to superiority; and in the much older stage, it may be due to the need for affiliation, etc.
What needs to be unblocked?
Only by understanding the false as the false can there be freedom from it. When we think about vulnerability, we associate it with risk. But, when we look at the bud in the tree, it unfolds to a natural acceptance of reality without any subjectivity. Self-reflection is an activity of thinking about our feelings and behaviour and the reasons that might lie behind them – perceiving without any judgements. If we do not see the truth, we will again surreptitiously build walls around ourselves.
We have a choice to continue to be a hypocrite or discover how to be open and vulnerable to life. If we make a natural, spontaneous choice – what will we make? Do we see the necessity of being honest and vulnerable? Do we like to lead a life full of joy?
The choice is yours to make.
Ref.:
The book The Pondering Leaf: The Journey of a Surfer
Assessment tool: www.soulsearchhr.com/assessments/
Published on LinkedIn on August 29, 2021
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